A childhood memory

I remember that it hurts.

I remember the child that was so innocent and shy.
I remember her sweet face, her short hair, her smile.
I remember how she said yes, and how she went.
I remember the clothes– the dotted clothes she was wearing.

And I remember the face of the man.
I remember how big and tall it was and how little the girl was.
I remember how it went inside and robbed her of her innocence.
I remember the red dotted clothes when she came home.
I remember the pain.

I remember that it hurts.

I remember the letters she sent to her mom.
I remember her parents crying in the middle of the night
I remember the rage, i remember her brothers plotting for revenge
I remember that how it was repeated

I remember her cousin, her beloved cousin
I remember its face
I remember how they went into that room to play
I remember how innocent her laughs were
And I remember how she blamed herself afterwards

I remember the times she tried
I remember the nights she cried

I remember the pain
I remember that it hurts

I remember, I remember
And I hate that I remember

City of Wonder

Everyday I walk down this road
I see cars in two
Cars in four and seven or eight
Going back and fort
Twenty four seven
And I wonder
Where they are going

Everyday I ride the subway
I see people of different colors
Black brown and white
Hairs of gold
Shades of Ray
And I wonder
Where do they come from

Everyday I pass by this city
I see buildings of different scale
Buildings of corporate people
Buildings of sick people
Buildings of the saints
Buildings of the men in uniform
And I can’t help but wonder
What makes them stay

How to Start

This piece was written as my first speech project for Toastmasters International – Digerati Club. Two hours prior my speech, I rashly tried to compress all of these words inside my memory pouch, and it was sure-fire that I would inevitably forget some of my lines. Not sure if I did great delivering this one, however I did get some positive feedback from my evaluator and from some of my fellow toastmasters but of course there is always a space for improvement. 

So here it starts:

I’ve been told to create this piece for you guys to know me better, and to be honest, the first question that popped out of my head was “how can I make these people know me with just 1 year of actually living after graduation? I’m just 23, where do I even start?”

Well, let me start by apologizing for making you all feel old.

Yes, you heard it right. I am 23 years old and I graduated last year from a 5-year Architecture course.

You’ll be surprised why I took up Architecture because it wasn’t arts or any artsy skill that led me to take up this course, it was my love for travelling.   During our family travels which are mostly by land, I would always sit and even fight my sisters for the window side of the car-its because it fascinates me to see how unique buildings and houses are from different places that our car would pass by. Through time and frequent travels to other places, my love for the unique designs of buildings develop into a dream of creating my own house, a unique church, a school and a housing development for the homeless. These four dream projects became the corner stones of my own Architecture.

Now, you might be wondering how I ended up here in Dubai. Good question, because that’s my question too!  All I know is that 2 years ago, on my final year in college, I chose a thesis study about creating a one-stop shop center for Overseas Filipino Workers, with no clue of being one.

I was born in a very big loving family. I say big because I had 10 aunts and uncles from my father’s side, 11 aunts and uncles from my mother’s side and 6 brothers and sisters. If that’s not big enough, well it’s because I forgot to mention that each of us has our own twin… Just kidding. :p My family has been my comfort zone for years, they are my security, my confidant and my  source of happiness.

My father is a patriot, he served the country for years and im sure he would like to do it over again. My mom has never been abroad or any place else aside from the nearby malls. She stayed in our house for as long as I can remember. I have two older sisters that are both married and successful in their own ways, but, with no plans of going abroad,  my older brothers have been in and out of our country, and they both say the same thing about the nausea and homesickness they face being away from the source of their strength. These are the reasons why i had no clue that I’ll be an Overseas Filipino Worker as well. I didn’t thought that I would have the courage, especially at a young age with a very motivating and inspiring family, to even get out, far from my comfort zone.

Yet, 5 months ago, I did. When my aunt called from here in Dubai telling me that she’d be having her vacation in the Philippines and asked me if I wanted to come back with her and start my journey abroad, I said yes. I immediately resigned from my 6 months old job, (by immediately I mean right after the call from my aunt, I drafted my resignation letter, delivered it to the HR the next day and left the office the following day.)

It was a leap of faith!

I had two weeks to prepare all my documents (which by the way, my documents are all ready at the time because they were recently used for my Australia visa application) and a week to say my good byes and see you laters to my family. Luckily enough, just after two weeks of looking for a job here, I found a very good one.

So, to answer the question of how I ended up here, I think it’s because i did one of the most courageous acts I had ever done in my life which is to say yes to the unknown… and also because the Australian embassy in our country declined my visa application twice.

Now I’ve answered the question of how I ended up here, but how did I end up delivering this speech to everyone? That is also a good question! But I might need to reserve the answer for that on my next speech because like everyone else who had their own share of firsts including their first speech project, I realized that I can’t end this speech yet, because this is actually just the beginning of my public speaking journey.

Thank you and good evening.

Over to you.

Thoughts on “You Are Worth Standing in the Altar With”

I have to emphasize that the common excuse of “knowing each other before marriage” is really an act of selfishness. Being in a relationship entails a lot of love, understanding and acceptance. Sure, there could be some parts of your partner (be it an attitude, a mannerism, or some mistake in the past that s/he did) that you do not like but you need to accept. Why? Because acceptance is proof of your love for that person and proof that you understand the fact that not a single soul is perfect. Even you. We all have flaws and that phase- the “boyfriend-and-girlfriend” phase is tool enough for us to know those flaws and to conclude whether or not we can accept this person wholeheartedly. We do not need to share the same roof to someone before marriage to know if they ‘fit’ to our lifestyle and/or expectations, what we need to share with them is our ideals, faith and aspirations because these are (some) of the foundations to a strong marriage and home.

jade writes stuff

Disclaimer: This is a letter written in a Christian perspective. If you are a not a Christian and you do not agree, that’s expected. A lot of people will get offended and I’ll understand. But we, Christians, are called to be the salt and light of this world. Having said so, the Bible should be the final authority in what we believe and what we stand up for.

We can agree to disagree on one thing. But let me just quote what Rick Warren once said:

“Our culture has accepted two huge lies: The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear them or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.”

With that said . . .

I am not bashing Nadine…

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Dear Self: I love you

Dear Self,

Today is July 13, 2017.

Today, you have to pull yourself together.

I know it seems like everything is falling apart right now, but please don’t give up. I love you more than anyone else and you have to trust in me, you have to trust in us. You are not alone and never will be. I understand that things have been out of your control for so long now, but you also have to understand that we are, in reality, not in control of our situations. Though we are living a scripted life, as an actor we really don’t have any idea of what the director wants to happen so just stick to the script.

Dear Self, it’s finally time to let go. Let go of your childish self, let go of your insecurities, let go of the things that weigh you down, let go of people who doesn’t need you in their lives. Some people might want you, but there are only few who’d tell you how much they need you. Let go of the thoughts that doesn’t build you, let go of the thoughts that suffocate you. Let go of being this person you hate so much.

Dear Self, know your standards. Believe that you are special and that you are tailor made for someone greater than what you’ve dreamed of. Don’t ever allow people to ruin your happiness and don’t ever allow them to make you compromise your standards.

Dear Self, you did great. You’ve managed to change a person into a better one. There’s no greater pride than being able to make the world a much better place with your ability to change a person. This has been your mission ever since. You were made to influence and made to teach lessons to people and in return, you learn as well. Keep these lessons because one day someone will come your way and by this time, you’d be a better person than before. Dear Self, don’t be discouraged if that person wasn’t able to see your worth. Don’t be upset if he weren’t able to thank you enough and don’t ever believe that you were a waste of time.

Dear Self, you did great. You’ve been badly hurt but that’s okay. Time has its own time. Everything will soon fall perfectly back into place. Continue holding on but not on the things that weigh you down.

Dear Self, just hold on to us, okay? I love you and I’m always here for you..

A Shout to the Void

How do you find your unique purpose or God’s ultimate will for your life in a world populated with different ideals, different missions and visions, different identities in one person, different attitudes, virtues and characters, different cultures and traditions, different kinds of people. How do you find yourself among all of these? Who are you and how do you suppose to make a change, how do you plan to make them hear your voice, know your principles and everything? Many have tried and are still trying to make a difference and I think they just don’t get the point. We are different from each other, incredibly unique in God’s own perspective, and for me that’s the whole difference. We don’t need to make a name for ourselves because even before our mother gave birth to us we already have a name in their minds. And even before all of that, God has already chosen the names of those two people- our parents. We don’t need to make people know us, what we do, what we eat, where we live, what we watch and who our friends are. Let them know you without making them know you. Brandishing yourself on social medias and blogging sites won’t make you find yourself, you’ll just end up looking at the mirror to find that you are who everyone wants you to be and not the one God wants you to be. So at the end of the day, you’ll have no sense of purpose, still lost in the identity of your friends views. The sad fact is, you have no idea that you are not who you are. We’re all lost in this techy world of ours. It’s eating us like a termite happily enjoying its steak of 12-zeroes dollars. We talk to strangers, we get killed the next day. We leave our social accounts open, the next thing we know we’ll be posting shits about everything, or worst, our hidden secrets will be known to everyone. We chat with a friend, we fall in love the next day and we break up the next next day. Truth is, there’s really no personal emotion involved in here, only audios on speakers and visuals on monitors. We, the netizens will pry on every bit of showbiz chikkas and political dramas, give our opinions, try to make a voice out of a text, and at the end of the day, everything  isn’t enough to make a history. Knowing who you are is a continuous process, like learning. But for me,  its something even more. It’s having an unrelenting faith, like trusting God to teach you how, tell you why and direct you where. After all, whether you like it or not, God still has the last say of who you will be.

My Prince: Close Enough

I really really love kids! :))))

Karl Emmanuel “Prince” L. Maggay

(Nephew)

Medium: Pencil

 

Seemingly Unnoticeable

I took these pictures on the way to Tarlac, my mother’s home town. Going there is a 2-hour minimum drive from Makati during non-holidays, but of course, you must travel through NLEX and SCTEX. Both pictures are just taken from my Nokia 306 cam without any filter, while the second one is taken without a monopod (just my hand out of the window!).

I just love taking pictures like these- even if it’s just a space, in order to appreciate the beauty around us that are seemingly unnoticeable.

Writers are Great Re-writers

I asked my sister the other day about a topic she would want me to write about for this blog and she told me to write about writing. So here I am, writing about writing.

Writing has always been my passion since I was a kid (meaning: elementary student). As a matter of fact, I was given the privilege to be part of our school paper back when I was in grade 6. I was the associate editor back then. I remember Mrs. Ferrer, our school paper adviser meeting us (the editorial staffs from different sections) once a week for our writing sessions where we write stories, news, editorials and stuffs. She will leave us for a while and gets back to collect our write-ups, check and correct each one of them and then chooses an article to be published in the school paper. What I would always love during those sessions is our “krispy kreme time”-Mrs. Ferrer would always go back to the conference room (it’s where we do the writing sessions) with boxes of original glazed krispy kreme donuts. It was an introduction to krispy kreme for me.

But I wasn’t really a good writer back then (which made me think, “Am I now?”) but well I mean, not as good as now. My thoughts, imaginations and opinions are always too shallow to produce a good writing. Sometimes, I can’t figure out what thought should come next to a thought. I would always ask myself of its relevance, the connection, “does it matter to say this and that?”, “would the readers care about that?”, “is it really that important to add?”, and the list-of-questions-to-ask-before-you-write-that-thought goes on. In the end, there’s just a single paragraph, or phrase, or worst- just a single word in the paper with no sense at all.

Writing and I parted ways when I got to high school, or I just thought. The world just got bigger and I found myself wondering about other things to get myself into and better into- but not into writing. I felt like my writing powers weakened during those times that I refused to use it anymore. There were invitations to audition on the school paper board but I would just always find myself being close with the school paper adviser- both english and filipino. I am always just that close to writing, you know? Anyway, I got into other things like dancing (only quite), declamation stuffs, Mr and Ms Intrams, school government body, environmental organization (where I really had my awesome experiences including a 5days trip to Baguio, meeting with the Miss Earth beauties and a lot more!) and different outside-school contests and activities. Those are a bunch of activities and load of experiences I never regretted getting myself involve back then.

There’s a line from a movie I recently watched entitled “Stuck in Love” (stars were Sam-Lily Collins from the City of Bones, and Lou- Logan Lerman from Percy Jackson series; the movie was good though it is really a rated PG movie so don’t watch it with kids around; both of them were writers in that movie) where Sam’s father, William (also a writer in the movie) was talking to his son Rusty (Sam’s brother, a soon-to-be writer in the movie) about having experiences. The line goes like this:

William: You know Flannery O’Connor?
Rusty: I know Flannery O’Connor.
William: She said nothing needed to happen in a writer’s life after they were 20. By then, they had experienced more than enough to last their creative life. So?
Rusty: So what’s your point?
William: My point is…I don’t think you’re experiencing enough.{some lines cut} Rusty, a writer is the sum of their experiences. Go get some. It will be fun.

In order to be a writer, one has to have bunch of experiences, and I’m glad I did and is still having.

Going back to me and writing, I could say that Sam’s father was right (I actually typed “write” for the word “right” haha!). Writers are actually re-writers, as Sam’s father also said. They re-write stories they heard from friends, strangers or even from other books or movies they’ve seen, but most of all, writers are re-writers of their own experiences. I agreed to the word “re-writers” because I believe that our experiences are all already written, which lead me to telling you now why I wanted to be one. If to be a writer is to be a re-writer, then I would always be happy to re-write my experiences, my stories for everyone to read and see, it would always be my pleasure to show the world how happy my life has been, how blessed I am to share to the world how good and perfectly-knit God had planned my life to be.

To be a writer is to be God’s great re-writer- re-writer of what He has written for my life and for yours. And that’s what I want to be.

Beauty in Dullness

Star City Ferris Wheel

Life is never dull. One might think it is, but he only needs a faith to see that there is beauty in dullness.